Deidre's birthday was… interesting. We had lunch on the day, and she started believing that I just wasn't going to get her anything for her birthday. She got upset, so I had to convince her that I really did get her something for her birthday. So then she felt really bad about how the surprise I had for her was spoilt, and she apologised. We discussed some more about the situation, and she said that her ex had not gotten her a single birthday or xmas present for the entire 3 years that she'd known him, so she just 'assumed' I was exactly like him and spat the dummy. I think the lesson for her was to learn to trust me, while the lesson for me was… well, to realise that she's still touchy about some things from her past.
Since then…
…some people we've spoken to about her birthday experience have suggested to me that the lesson is to get her an expensive gift each birthday and to make sure she knows I'm buying her something.
Unfortunately for them, and maybe for Deidre, that's not the lesson I'm learning from it. I learnt that she still has issues with the past, and that I continue pushing the buttons in her that other people have created. I learnt that it wasn't so much the gift that was important to her, but the fact that I actually gave her something. I learnt that a lot of other people in our life, friends of mine, have rigid beliefs that the amount of love a person has for them is indicated by the size or expense of the present that's bought for them. Overall, I learnt that this capitalist society we live in runs deep into the relationships people have.
I reject it.
For her birthday I made her a website. It's still under construction right now, as I teach her how to use it. She loved it, and thought it was a very special present indeed. It's going to allow her to keep her own diary kind of site, to write comments for friends and family, and to post photos on it as well. The other gifts I gave her was a couple of CDs and dinner out at a restaurant that we've often talked about going to but never got around to.
So after all was said and done, it turned out ok. She still loves me. *grin*
She had an actual birthday party last night, and while 4 of my friends turned up, only 1 of her (our) friends turned up, so there was 7 of us there. It was a good number. We had dinner at a Turkish restaurant, and then went to some nice bar and had a marguerita. Then everyone went home except Deidre and one of our friends, , Renu, and the two of them went out dancing. I came home as well, and my intention was to play a computer game until Deidre contacted me to come and pick her up, but by this time – midnight – I was just too tired to sit in front of the computer, so I went to bed instead. Just after 2am, Deidre rang and I got up to pick up her and Renu, and take Renu home. We finally got back home ourselves just after 3am, when we went straight to bed. I was so tired! But I – we – had a great night.
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