Lee added a comment to my post on my birthday party, where he said he’s shy around people he doesn’t know.
I’m sort of similar, but I’m not shy. It’s just that people generally bore the absolute hell outta me.
They don’t like talking about substantial stuff. They don’t like talking about what makes them tick. They don’t like talking about themselves, the stories they have, the life they’re living, their hopes and dreams. That’s what interests me.
I don’t care what they think of the weather. I don’t care about a scene by scene rundown on the latest soap opera or ‘reality show’. I don’t care about the point by point commentary of the latest sports game.
It’s all bullshit! None of it matters! I want to hear about what matters, what people think of those issues which really play a part in their lives. I want to hear of their thoughts on politics, on why they think something is bad, and what they would do if they were in a position of power. I want to hear about how they’re finding ways of growing.
But instead, I hear about how people are stagnating, about how boring and shallow they are, and they bore the hell outta me.
It’s primarily at parties that these people exercise their shallow nature. And so that’s why I loathe going to parties. I’d prefer meeting people over a coffee, one on one, or a very small group, maybe no more than 5, sharing lunch or something. It allows for far more interesting conversations.
I know that parties, by their very nature, don’t allow for meaningful conversations. They force people to be shallow because there’s very little time to get into any depth about something before they have to go talk to someone else, to ‘mingle’.
Mingle. What a stupid word. It really means, “Hey, now that I can see you’re seeing past all my defences and seeing who I really am, I think I’ll go talk to someone else who doesn’t know me, and who doesn’t want to know me.”
People are afraid of letting other people know what their secrets are. When you can look in someone’s eyes, or read between the lines of the words coming out of their mouth, and understand who they really are, that scares them. And they have to move on.
So I prefer not going to parties, because I’m surrounded by people who are afraid to be known.
Tonight is going to be interesting for me. There’ll be about 15-20 people there, most of whom I don’t know. They’re there for me, and for my friend Vicki. They’ll put on the usual pretenses of being happy to be there, and all, but I know it’s all a facade. They’re there because of social obligations, because they feel obliged to turn up simply because they were invited, or because they feel they should, simply because it’s a ‘birthday party.’
I’ll be sitting there, looking around at the people engaging in shallow conversations, laughing and smiling at the appropriate times. I’ll do the same, because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or anything.
That’s what it’s about though, isn’t it. Having a ‘social life’ is a facade, an obligation to other people, or an escape from something in your own life, that allows you to get away from it and talk about shallow stuff and avoid the real issues of your life.
I see people go out nightclubbing or partying, getting drunk and having boring conversations. I see most of them as running from themselves or issues in their lives, and I feel a little sorry for them.
Back to tonight’s party…
My description above of what I’ll be doing is likely to turn out much different. There’ll probably be a lot of laughter and hilarity, because the owner of the restaurant is absolutely hilarious. He goes to great lengths to make parties very enjoyable and lots of fun, which is why I chose the place.
Some of the people at the party are close friends of mine, so if I ever do get bored – unlikely with this particular restaurant and host – I’m sure I can have interesting conversations with them, so it won’t be too bad.
I’ll provide more updates on that maybe tomorrow. Lee’s comment inspired me to talk about myself and parties. 🙂
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