My mind is whirling with so many thoughts. I’m spending a lot of time contemplating the things that I’ve become aware of. I’m thinking so much, there’s no time for writing.
My recent post a couple weeks ago, I need to feel special, is what’s been keeping me thinking.
You see, I realised that I do a lot of things in my life for the feeling of being special, and I think that includes writing. So what I’m in the process of working out is what kind of writing I want to do for me, instead of for how it might make others feel about me.
I have no doubt that my blogging will continue, but I’m not entirely sure about the theme. Over the years I’ve tried to work with a theme of helping others, but has that been because it gets me attention, or because I actually want to help others?
It’s something I have to work out for myself. I have to explore my feelings and motivations around this, because I have absolutely no interest (when I’m aware of it) in doing things for egotistical reasons, so I need to work out if my desire to be special is an attitude of egotism.
I asked a friend this past weekend if they thought I bragged a lot about my achievements. They told me I do brag occasionally, but it wasn’t excessive. Well, that’s good, I guess.
So the truth of the matter is that I’m withdrawing from a number of things that I’m doing, while I analyse everything to work out if I’m doing them to solely feel special, or if feeling special has no part in it.
I want to do things because I love doing them – not for how others might feel about me, resulting in me feeling special, but for the enjoyment I get from the activity. And that’s why I need to analyse all my activities so that I can understand the relationship I have with them.
It’s ok to do things I love doing, AND feel special from the attention I get from it. But it’s NOT ok to do something I DON’T love doing, just because of the attention I get from it.
And that’s the crux of my self-analysis. If I love doing it, I’ll keep doing it, while being aware of egotism and doing what I can to avoid it. If I don’t love doing it, then it’s time to stop it.
So for a period of time, I’m withdrawing from my regular blogging while I look into everything I do. However, I’ll still write when I feel I have something to write about.
As I said above, I have no doubt that I’ll continue blogging, because writing is something I can’t stop doing. Even if I have no audience, I’ll still write. I love it too much, and that’s why I know that writing is not something I’m doing just to feel special. But while I’m thinking about everything else in my life, there’s going to be less writing.
Thanks for reading! Please add your own thoughts below.
Don't forget to subscribe for new posts sent to you by email!