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8 February 2003

"Oh my…" seems appropriate to describe tonight.

I went out to dinner with Wakana, to a Japanese restaurant. I didn't plan that, but it was there after searching for somewhere to look, and it seemed alright, so in we went. We were the only ones there, just the two of us. Everyone else in Wellington was at the rugby stadium or in front of their tv watching it – boring! So anyway, we had a Japanese BBQ dinner, which was really nice. Wakana liked it a lot.

We talked a lot, had a good time, and then I went to take her home. That's when the kissing started.

I've been wondering if it's bad of me to be doing this, but one part of me knows that she still loves me (why else would she still be seeing me when she knows how I feel? But that was also confirmed by her tonight). Another part of me knows that she's not happy with her current boyfriend, but she doesn't want to hurt him by leaving him (and yes, I talked to her about hurting herself by putting other people first and ignoring what she wants and needs). Yet another part believes that this is the best thing I could be doing. So all of that is sort of balanced off against how this is making her life difficult.

Now she's got to make a choice. If she chooses me, fantastic. If she chooses 'the other guy' (the one she's actually with), then "C'est La Vie"; I'll just have to stop seeing her and leave that behind completely.

It was a nice night though, and she was really happy about how things went. Apparently the last time she's been to a Japanese restaurant was when her and I were together early last year… Bringing up 'associations' can be a good thing, I guess.

Apart from that, I spent a big part of the day looking at houses. I used over a quarter tank of petrol – which is a big thing when you have an 80-litre tank! Hehehe (I think that's about 17 gallons or something, for the metrically challenged in America.

I found a few nice places. Two of them I'm waiting for me to call back if they want me, and two of them are waiting for me to call back if the first two don't call. However, the problem with the two waiting on me is that they're pretty much out of the way. They're not close to the city, so that's an inconvenience. I want somewhere close.

I might just end up taking the place that's already been approved for me, my own flat. But I might have to see about getting the rent down a bit on that. We'll just see what happens.

The place that I really want is with this lady who's just moving into it tomorrow. She seems pretty laid back, and the place is huge, with plenty of space. She's going to call me back tomorrow, I hope.

God I hate moving. I really, really hate it. It happens so much in my life, I just wish it would stop. It's not like I plan it, it just happens that way. I'm a wanderer, I think… I wander round and round and round and round…

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