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Starting Over (guest post)

I’ve been a passive aggressive man in my past relationships, so my writing has been about my experiences and my growth from my perpective. But there’s also the perspective of someone who has had to live with a passive aggressive man, and it’s that perspective that I’ve never been able to write about.

One of my regular visitors has been affected by a passive aggression partner. We’ve had a number of discussions over the past year or so, and she’s finally decided that she would love to write a guest post in my blog, on the topic of passive aggression. I’m very happy for her to be a guest writer here, writing about something important to her, from the perspective of being the partner of a passive aggressive man! I’m grateful and appreciative that she wants to share her feelings with us on this blog.

Without further ado, it’s my honour to present her first post.

Starting Over 

When interacting with a passive/aggressive man, the man may choose not to change, or he may be lazy in changing, not realizing you are serious about ending the relationship.  This forces the person tired of the passive/aggressive man to end the relationship in order in order to survive physically, emotionally, and for the well-being of the children.

How do you start over?   First you have to start with the divorce.  Are you sure you want to divorce?  Is there any shred of hope left?  I don’t believe there is any hope left.  I have tried for 20 years to no avail.  I have asked him to support me (emotionally) which he doesn’t know how nor does he want to learn how.  I have given him lists on what I feel I need emotionally, and the lists have been ignored.  I have asked him to help me train the children, and he said he doesn’t know how.  So I gave him books, and the books were ignored.

So what do I do?  Move on.  Despite the pain, separation, and devastation to the children, I have to move on to preserve the remnant that is left.  I am lonely, and I can’t imagine being lonely for another 20 years.  Not only that, the children need a parent in charge.  Division of authority leads to confusion and rebellion.  This leaves many hopes and dreams shattered and dissolved, but at the same time those hopes and dreams never came to fruition.

Once you find a lawyer, you will want to be civil about the matter.  No sense in fighting with the person and wasting a lot of money.  I will have to give up a lot, but at the same time, I don’t believe I have any choice.  You will also want to be civil and kind with the children.   It is hard to refrain from talking bad about the spouse, but the children still need a dad.  One that they can admire, think highly of, and spend loving time with him regardless of the failed relationship between us.  Maybe he will do better with the children once the separation/divorce is in place.  So far he hasn’t, and it might be a hard reality check with the children also.  It has been two weeks since he has moved out, and he has not had any physical visitation with the children.  They blame it on me, but I try to comfort them and I do (right now), try to justify it until the divorce is final.    After the divorce is final,  I will let the cards fall where they fall.

Reality is starting to hit hard.  I cry many days.  Many days I feel relieved.  My heart aches.  But I have to be strong.

My journey begins.

– Girl Friday

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