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Today I killed my cat

That’s a title you don’t see every day…

My cat, Angel, had been missing for a few days. I expected something bad had happened to warrant her disappearance, and sure enough, she returned with a smashed leg, broken clean through so that it dangled at 90 degrees if you lifted it.

It was horrible.

Fanfan and I took her to the vet, and when the doctor gave us the news I had a hard time controlling my quivering bottom lip, and my eyes watered up. But I forced the emotions back down before they overwhelmed me.

$4000 for internal pins and bolts and external metal framework, plus significant ongoing costs for ‘maintenance’ operations with a hopeful recovery in the future. Or $2000 for amputation. Or euthanasia. Those were the options the vet provided.

A cat’s life is worth anything, when you have anything to give. We have nothing, and we’re struggling to make ends meet in our daily life. Even the pet insurance we had for her required us to pay the total before they would reimburse us 80% of it. It would have been nice to have thousands of dollars available to spend on her…

It’s been incredibly upsetting to make the only choice I was able to. Fanfan and I discussed it, and we came to an agreement, and then I gave the vet the authorisation to proceed with euthanasia.

“…the authorisation to proceed…” A nice way of saying I told the vet to kill my cat.

Fanfan was present when Angel was put to sleep. I held back my tears in the waiting room. I couldn’t be with my cat when she died.

I think part of the reason is guilt that I had no money. Another part is that I wanted to keep myself separate from the emotional reality.

I’ll deal with it later, when I don’t want to hold it back any more.


Rest in peace, dear Angel.

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