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White guys, asian girls

There was a time when I used to date only asian women, until I met Deidre early 2005. I still find them very attractive, however, so they capture my interest when I spot them. My favourite weekend activity is sitting in a particular Starbucks where all the asians go, and ‘people watching’. While also writing or web browsing or playing Eve Online.

Last weekend I saw a young white guy walking close to an asian girl, while being part of a group of asians. It looked like a first date, or at least one of the first few dates, as he looked quite awkward. They were talking a lot, probably in Chinese (I wasn’t focused on the language they were using), and he couldn’t understand a word. As they talked amongst themselves and laughed together, he was on the outside looking in; not knowing if they were talking about him, but certainly not a part of what they were talking about. He could only stand there, on the outside looking in, an awkward but polite half-smile on his face, waiting for someone to speak English so he could feel a part of what was going on.

But they didn’t talk in English at all. They were grouped nearby for at least 5-10 minutes, with lots of laughter and lots of glances at him, and lots of awkwardness radiating from the young guy.

It reminded me of me, back when I was in a similar position. In one particular situation, I went to a dinner with a lady called Joanne (that was her English name rather than her Chinese one – many asian immigrants or students choose an English name for easy reference by English-speaking people). It was a Chinese dinner, and we made dim sims, boiled them, and then ate them. It was almost fun.

At first, they were all talking Chinese, but I learnt a trick from when I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door, and I was with foreigners who would talk their own language when I was demonstrating.

“Hey! Speak English, or I think you’re talking about me behind my back, and that’d be rude!” With a smile, of course. It’d embarrass them slightly, but point out to them that I wasn’t going to put up with their rudeness.

I did the same with the Chinese people, and dinner turned out to be a more interesting event as a result, where they were asking me all kinds of questions about Australia, New Zealand, etc etc. Joanne seemed to smile more as well.

The young guy I witnessed at Starbucks didn’t know that they all speak English – or was possibly too timid to make an issue of it – and that they were being rude on purpose, probably testing him. In their eyes, he probably had no balls, and was therefore worthy only of derision.

Asian guys don’t like white guys going out with their girls… it makes them look bad. And for the asian girl to go out with a white guy and inviting him to an asian social gathering, she’s testing him. If he has balls, she’ll continue going out with him. And if he has balls, he’ll be respected (just a little bit more) by her peers. If he doesn’t, then she’ll dump him quicker than he can say, “Hey, let’s go get something to eat….”

It’s funny, but what I’ve observed is that the young white guys who go out with asian girls (for longer than a couple of dates) often seem more confident than the average guy. They’re more often than not those guys who are sick of the crap that western women demand, and they’re looking for a more relaxing time with a woman who appreciates her own femininity, and respects the guy she’s with. But respect has to be earnt.

The weedy, nerdy, older and very unattractive white guys don’t know how to get respect, and that’s why the worst of them have to resort to the asian ‘mail order brides’. They’re purchasing the woman, who is then obligated to be with him because he ‘saved her’ from the horrible life she was living in her home country. She then becomes the submissive asian from which the stereotypes are formed.

The reality of a healthy white/asian relationship, however, is so much different. Asian women are complex and distant creatures, and yet very rewarding when you can get close to them.

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