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22 February 2003

Things are looking positive with what's going on with Wakana. I was with her a couple nights ago, going for a drive and having dinner. Apparently, I'm just not like I used to be at all, which doesn't surprise me, 'cause I feel differently than I used to. When her and I were originally together, I was blase about the whole thing, but now I'm not. Being with her is just a lot more important to me now, so I'm not treating it casually, and I'm making the most of the time I spend with her.

At one point she asked me if I was waiting for her and her boyfriend to split up, and I said yes, to which she smiled and changed the subject. I also asked her if she would actually move to Christchurch as planned, which she'd told me about some weeks ago, but that's not happening any more. It seems that even if he asked her to go and he was going anyway, she wouldn't go. I think she's just waiting for him to leave her, 'cause she can't do it herself. It's all about the Japanese conditioning she still has trouble leaving behind. He hasn't done anything wrong, so she cant leave him, even though she doesn't love him.

It's strange, but so are many of the Japanese ways of living. Their world is completely alien to Western standards. What I'm trying to do is accept that and understand her issues, and just be here for her.

I still know getting back with her might not happen, but I'm being positive about what's going on so far, and patient about waiting. I'm enjoying being her friend right now.

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