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Marriage and relationships

It’s been over two weeks now since I got married and, strangely enough, I don’t feel that different. All that’s changed is that I have a wife now instead of a fiancee.

Well… Maybe I feel a bit more relaxed about our relationship.

Since I’ve had relationships come and go throughout my life, I’ve always had this feeling that the relationships were ‘temporary’. This one – finally – feels like it’s permanent.

And honestly, it’s a great feeling.

So I guess I do feel different.  🙂

Weddings seem to be eye-openers about the quality of relationships.

Both Fanfan and I experienced some disappointing reactions from a few people who we considered amongst our closest friends, but we discovered that the quality of our relationship was apparently greater for us, than it was for them.

I invited one of my best friends to be my best man, but he decided he couldn’t make it because he was unemployed for a few weeks, a few months before my wedding. His excuses hurt, because 1) I offered to pay for pretty much everything to get him there, but he declined everything for one reason or another, and 2) I’ve been to two of his three weddings in the past, and his third wedding last year was while I was unemployed too.

I had this expectation that 35 years of close friendship meant that no matter what, you would be at your best mate’s wedding. I found that he thought differently.

As a result, I found myself compelled to shut down that friendship. I sent him an email a few days after the wedding and expressed how disappointed I was.

I was also thankful though, because he inadvertently told me how little value he had for me, and I realised our relationship was completely unbalanced. I told him goodbye, and wished him well.

That was two weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back from him. Very disappointing.

Getting married has been, for me, about committing to a new life, with a new person as my life partner, and letting go of the old life. I actually feel really good about it.

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