On New Year’s Eve 2012 I asked Fanfan to marry me, and in just 3 days, on the afternoon of October 28, we’ll be getting married. This past 10 months has been quite a ride!
To be honest, I’ll be happy when it’s over. The amount of stress that has been in our lives has been pretty amazing. But it’s not all my stress, it’s mostly Fanfan’s stress. Although, her stress usually leads to my own stress as a result….
For me, the ideal wedding would have been just the two of us getting married and then going out for dinner afterwards. But I know for 99.999999% of women it’s completely different. It’s the one day of their lives that must reflect the dream they’ve held on to for as long as they can remember. The planning of the wedding is an attempt to make the dream become real. But when the reality doesn’t meet the dream, stress is the result.
I know I’ve also been a contributor to her stress, with circumstances that have made it difficult for her to completely have her dream, what with having to deal with bankruptcy, discovering I’ve got Aspergers, and being out of work – not once, but twice.
The fact she still wants to marry me after these incredibly stressful 10 months is a testament to how much she loves me, and I’m always going to treasure that.
You’ve got no idea what it’s like to have to plan a wedding costing thousands of dollars, while becoming bankrupt, and also losing your job twice and not having any money coming in and having to juggle savings and expenses – not just to pay for life, but for a wedding as well. (Of course, if you do know what it’s like, then please contact me – I’d love to hear from you! We can share war stories…)
And on top of all of that, I’ve continued being the ‘rock’ that she needs in her life, to help her get through her own stresses throughout these ordeals.
We’ve been there for each other. It hasn’t always been so easy for me, having my own share of stress, anxiety and depression. When I’ve needed her, she’s been there for me. When she’s needed me, I’ve been there for her.
And that’s what marriage is all about, right? Two people coming together, to share their lives, to love, cherish and support each other, through thick and thin.
This year has been an important one, preparing us for dealing with the stresses that we’re sure to encounter as we move through life together.
But that’s also why I’ll be happy when the wedding is over. Because then we can actually relax again, stop stressing about one of the most important moments of our lives, and just get on with living and enjoying the other experiences that life has to offer.
How will my future look once I’m married?
I expect it will look a lot like it’s looked over the past year and a half.
Our first 6 months together was a little rocky, to put it mildly. We were getting used to each other, understanding our feelings for each other, and about the commitment we were making for each other.
In our hearts, we actually got married early 2012, after we separated for a month and then came back together again. That was when I sorted my shit out and made a commitment to her in my heart and mind. And ever since then, it’s just been getting stronger.
How she’s handled the stress of this past 10 months has given me an understanding of how she’s going to handle the stresses of our future together, and it’s assured me that I’m making the right decision. Her love and commitment for me, regardless of the circumstances of our life, have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’s absolutely the one for me to marry in this world. Where other women would have run away, taking the easy path, she’s stayed true to her feelings of love, and to her own personal commitment to me.
And in 3 days time, we’re going to be making that commitment official, in front of our closest families and friends.
I’m surprised I’m not nervous. I’m happy and excited about it. I’m looking forward to it. That also tells me how right this is for me.
It’s going to be awesome. 🙂
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