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The result of being a challenge

I wrote the below early 2004, and I thought it would be a relevent addition to this site:

Her name is Zhenzhen (pron: Jen-Jen) and I've been seeing her on and off for the past couple of months. It's been quite interesting 'cause it started off simply as friendship, but has progressed in fits and starts to something more than just friends. She's 22 and that's why it started only as friends, as I wasn't initially interested in anything more.

The reason it's progressed in fits and starts is because she developed an interest in me which I wasn't ready for, so I went through various processes of making it clear to her where I was at and what I wanted.

Throughout it all she's been mostly understanding, occasionally annoyed and once tried to do something to make me chase her (which didn't work). I've kept her at a distance, told her about my beliefs and values that revolve around me not being here to offer her a free ride (this was after I learnt that Chinese women expect the men they date to buy everything for them), generally inadvertently insulted her and her culture, and been a 'bastard'.

And still she's interested.

I can't get rid of her, and now I don't want to. After all the annoying things I've done to her, she still wants to be with me, and as I've gotten to know her more, I've found it interesting and enjoyable to be around her.

I've asked her in the past why she's interested, and apparently it's because I'm 'mature and she can learn a lot from me', and I'm not like all the rest of the men she's met.

They tell her all the time how beautiful she is (I think she is too, but I haven't told her that). They tell her how much they want to be with her (I've pushed her away). They're always ringing / txt'ing her (I never do). They want to get married to her have her babies (I've told her that's never going to happen in my lifetime).

I guess it's simply an illogical fact of life – treat a woman badly (without beating her) and she'll want you. But really, I think it's simply being the opposite of every other man that makes me more attractive to her/them.

Men constantly chase women who are a challenge. I think women are the same. If you show some interest in them but remain a challenge, they'll want you more than if you tried chasing them.

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