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Computer Glossary

  • 486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
  • State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.
  • Obsolete: Any computer you own.
  • Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
  • G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'
  • Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
  • Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
  • GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')
  • Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.
  • Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
  • Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
  • Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
  • Disk: What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
  • Cursor: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You %@& computer!"

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