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Lots of changes, lots of processing

One of the things about my life is that it’s always full of change. Something is always changing, somehow, somewhere. I usually embrace change, because it’s been a part of my life ever since I was born, but sometimes change can be overwhelming.

Like the past few years of stress leading up to having to declare bankruptcy. That was a time full of change that I really didn’t enjoy. It was overwhelming at times, but I kept on plodding away, one foot at a time, making my way through it.

And the past few months without work; that’s been quite a change. Along with having to manage a wedding at the same time, and then a move to another city. Again, lots of change that has been overwhelming at times.

I realised tonight that during those periods where it’s all been too overwhelming, I’ve needed to do a lot of mental processing of it. Even if that processing is to distract myself from the reality of my situation for a while, to allow me to deal with it a little further down the track. While I’m doing something to distract myself, my mind is processing in the background.

If I spent my time focusing on the overwhelming changes, I suspect I’d go mad. Or turn to drugs or something.

But instead, I spend any spare time gaming, to distract my mind from a reality that is highly stressful. And without work at the moment, I have a lot of spare time.

We’re making our way through life, my wife and I, despite the challenges we have with me out of work. We’re grateful for the resources that have come our way to help us through very trying times. The universe – through good friends and family – has provided for us when we’ve needed it, and we’re always going to be grateful for that.

There’s been a lot less posts on this blog over the past few weeks, and over the past few days I’ve been trying to work out why. My realisation tonight has been that it’s because I’ve been overwhelmed by change, and that it’s too stressful for me to write about it, or even to feel comfortable writing about anything else, and so I’ve stayed silent.

The fact I’m writing about this is something I’m finding amazing.

But I wanted to share this with you to explain why I haven’t maintained my desired 500 words a day. I wanted to talk about it because I need to justify it for myself as to why I’m slacking off.

And in doing so, I might even end up justifying to myself why I should ignore all that and just get on with the 500 words a day again.

There’s a lot of people out there going through a lot harder experiences than I have been.

“I complained about having no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.”

We can always find something stressful and overwhelming in our lives, but we have to find a way to get through it. There’s no other way forward. We have to be grateful for what we have, and for what we’ve achieved.

I appreciate the reminder to myself about that.

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