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3 February 2003

Wakana… You know, never before in my life have I ever had the opportunity to get back together with an ex, but now it seems I do. It hasn't happened yet, but things are looking good for us to get back together.

I've come to realise as time has gone by, and I've spent more time with her this past month, that I had to leave her last year for me to realise how much I actually wanted to be with her. I've also learnt that my expectations and ideas about love and what that means are overrated. Everything about being with her was great, but I wasn't ready for what she offered me. I didn't appreciate it, and thought I wasn't getting enough for my needs. It's only without it and being reminded of it by being with her recently that I've come to realise I want it again.

I don't know if we'll get back together, but she wants to see me more now that I've explained how I feel, and why I feel this way. I know it's hard for her to trust me, considering I was the one that left her. I'm sure she's thinking I could do it again! I know that for her to trust me enough to try it again (if she chooses that path) is an enormous responsibility for me, and not something I'd treat lightly.

I was noncommital the first time around, but the second time around will be very different. I wasn't ready to live with her a year ago when we were together, but I know that now I am. We know each other, what we're like and what we can expect.

I feel positive about this. I've thought about it long and hard, and talked to a few of my friends about this. As I said, I've never had the opportunity to get back with an ex (in a healthy manner), so I've been trying to work out if it's something I should try or not.

The most widely used comment is 'there was a reason you left her'. Yes, there was. I left her because I thought that deep and meaningful communication was the most important thing to me. I wasn't able to get that from her due to language challenges, but in the time since I left her, I've realised that's the part that's overrated.

If you love someone and enjoy their company and they make you laugh and challenge you in various ways and make you happy (and vice versa), then that's all that you need for a happy, loving relationship. That and hard work, of course, to keep it going. But I was stupid in thinking I wanted so much more.

It's only when you lose something that you realise how much it meant to you. So now I'm being given the opportunity to get it back, and I like the direction this is going.

Phew! This was a long entry, but Wakana is something that's important right now, and I'm feeling very happy about the way this complex situation is turning out.

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